What's That Officer? How Did l Finance This Baccy Trip? :)

It was a dark and stormy night but Bert had to go down to the local pub to buy his weekly 2 pouches of baccy (50g each) from the well known supplier of all things tobacco related (except the UK taxes). The cost of his purchase was £16 ... half of what it would cost him at the local supermarket. On his way back home he bumped into an old friend, Alf, and so they both ended up at Bert's place for a drink.

The conversation got onto the price of tobacco. Alf did not smoke but he told Bert about a site he'd found called N2D and they advocated buying from abroad. As far as Alf could remember, Bert's brand was £4 a 50g pouch ... half what Bert was paying now.

Bert said he'd love to get baccy at that price but couldn't get together that sort of cash. Alf said no problem because he'd lend him it. They made up a promissory note after working out that for 12 months supply of baccy Bert would need 2 x 50g pouches for 52 weeks he would need £8 x 52 which equalled £416 plus the cost of travel which was £26 ... making a grand total of £442. Bert would pay it back at £8.50 a week plus £1 a week interest. 

A week or so later, Bert went on his first baccy trip and first trip abroad in over a year and bought 5.4kg of tobacco. Lo and behold, upon his return he was waylaid by the Border Force ... a somewhat aggressive officer too. Bert was not perturbed because he had by now being on the N2D site and had prepared himself with a Statement of Truth etc and a digital recorder. The officer was by no means happy about the recorder and tried to fool Bert into believing he was not allowed to record. Bert then produced an FOI also from N2D that stated he was allowed to record. The officer was even more unhappy now as he knew he could not stop the recording. Bert then stated he would not sign the officers notebook under any circumstances.

The officer still tried to find a reason to seize Bert's tobacco by starting to ask questions about ABert's finances. Bert then produced the promissory note made with his friend Alf and a bank statement showing the amount deposited. Bert showed the officer that even when he paid off this loan he would be £300 better off. Anyone could afford £9.50 a week when they had been paying £16 a week.

The officer had to agree and sent Bert on his way with his goods but couldn't help himself by warning him that if he came back within the year his goods would be seized. Bert said no problem and made his way to the exit.

Just as he reached the exit, the officer shouted to him "Hey, you got your maths wrong. You'd save about £1200 cos that brand costs £16 a pouch and you smoke 2 a week"

"No" shouted Bert  "they cost £8 a pouch from white van man" With that he was gone.


Seriously though, l can see nothing wrong with those that don't have the capital to buy in bulk taking out a loan .... even if it is from a friend. lt may be prudent not to tell them that you are buying baccy with it.

What sayeth you?

Here's an example of a promissory note:-

Promissory Note

On this date of [DATE], in return for valuable consideration received, the undersigned borrower[s] jointly and severally promise to pay to [LENDER'S NAME], the "Lender", the sum of £ Pounds, together with interest thereon at the rate of [RATE] percent ([RATE]%) per annum.
[Select from the following provisions, as desired]
Terms of Repayment: This loan shall be repaid under the following terms: [describe terms]. All payments shall be first applied to interest and the balance to principal.

Terms of Repayment (Periodic Payment): Starting on [DATE] and continuing until the principal balance of this Note and any accrued interest have been repaid in full, on the [DATE] day of each month the borrowers shall pay the amount of £[AMOUNT]. All payments shall be first applied to interest and the balance to principal.

Payable On Demand: The entire unpaid principal and accrued interest thereon, if any, shall become immediately due and payable on demand by the holder of this Note.

Late Fees: In the event that a payment due under this Note is not made within ten (10) days of the time set forth herein, the Borrower shall pay an additional late fee in the amount of £[AMOUNT].

Late Fees: In the event that a payment due under this Note is not made within ten (10) days of the time set forth herein, the Borrower shall pay an additional late fee in the amount of [PERCENT] percent of said payment.

Place of Payment - all payments due under this note shall be made at [DESIGNATED LOCATION], or at such other place as the holder of this Note may designate in writing.

Borrower's Address - The Borrower shall provide to provide prompt written notice to the Lender of any change of address.

Prepayment - This Note may be prepaid in whole or in part at any time without premium or penalty. All prepayments shall first be applied to interest, and then to principal payments in the order of their maturity.

Default - In the event of default, the borrower[s] agree to pay all costs and expenses incurred by the Lender, including all reasonable attorney fees (including both hourly and contingent attorney fees as permitted by law) for the collection of this Note upon default, and including reasonable collection charges (including, where consistent with industry practices, a collection charge set as a percentage of the outstanding balance of this Note) should collection be referred to a collection agency.

Acceleration of Debt - In the event that the borrower[s] fail to make any payment due under the terms of this Note, or breach any condition relating to any security, security agreement, note, mortgage or lien granted as collateral security for this Note, seeks relief under the Bankruptcy Code, or suffers an involuntary petition in bankruptcy or receivership not vacated within thirty (30) days, the entire balance of this Note and any interest accrued thereon shall be immediately due and payable to the holder of this Note.

Joint and Several Liability - All borrowers identified in this Note shall be jointly and severally liable for any debts secured by this Note.

Modification - No modification or waiver of any of the terms of this Agreement shall be allowed unless by written agreement signed by both parties. No waiver of any breach or default hereunder shall be deemed a waiver of any subsequent breach or default of the same or similar nature.

Transfer of the Note - The borrowers hereby waive any notice of the transfer of this Note by the Lender or by any subsequent holder of this Note, agree to remain bound by the terms of this Note subsequent to any transfer, and agree that the terms of this Note may be fully enforced by any subsequent holder of this Note.

Severability of Provisions - In the event that any portion of this Note is deemed unenforceable, all other provisions of this Note shall remain in full force and effect.

Choice of Law - All terms and conditions of this Note shall be interpreted under the laws of [JURISDICTION].

Signed Under Penalty of Perjury, this [DATE] day of [MONTH], [YEAR],
[Note- each borrower should sign separately.]

Signed in the presence of:
[Note- the lender may not be a witness. If more than one witness is used, each should sign separately.]


  1. First sentence doesn't make much sense, you need to add 'pouches' after '50gm'-and that should be '50g'.

    Just saying :p

    -The OCD Dwarf

  2. Uhm still reads as if a single pouch on the blackmarket costs ₤16! Simply change the ₤16 to ₤8, then it would make sense.

  3. Ignore last comment, it crossed with your edit. All is cool now.

  4. God you are worse than the Mrs! It was late, now it's morning and l need coffee ... at least 2 cups ... and a smoke. l'll get there!

  5. I carry this email, with copies of my bank statement showing the deposits.

    To Whom it May Concern

    I confirm that I have paid the sum of £300 (Three hundred pounds sterling) as Cash into the Norwich and Peterborough bank account of Mr THE BLOCKED DWARF, via the Diss, Norfolk branch, in 2 separate amounts, one of £200 on */4/2012 and one of £100 on 1*/5/2012 as an interest-free personal loan.

    Mr THE BLOCKED DWARF is known to me personally as an honest and reliable person, and heavy smoker.
    I myself am a non smoker. Whilst I am aware THE BLOCKED DWARF intends to use this loan to finance his legitimate EU shopping trip I must stress that this loan is NOT a covert payment for illicit tobacco goods nor for Mr THE BLOCKED DWARF to act as my agent.
    I will be happy to confirm the above by phone to anyone who has a legitimate reason for enquiry, provided that they identify themselves to me, and that I am satisfied the request is genuine.
    As such, anyone who makes such a request will be required to provide me with their full name, official address and identification number, and the reason for their request.

    I can be contacted on my home phone number, 0**** ******.
    If I an unavailable, I authorise my wife, Mrs MATURE BIKER CHICK to answer queries on my behalf.

    My home address is:-
    2 The River Bank,
    Upper Nosebleed,
    IP00 NOGPS

    1. Quite!

      Mature Biker Chick? .... How's she doing? lt's been a while since l was in touch.

    2. She's fine, working like an 'N-word' helping her husband towards his first million whilst herself following a punishing regime of diet and exercise with the sort of daily calorie intake more appropriate to Belsen Bergen.

    3. "This time next year we'll be millionaires Mr Dwarf"
      Chubby Mature Biker Chick.

  6. While I obviously agree with you 100%, I can forsee the jolly chaps of UKBF taking a different view.
    I have been asked before whether I have financed my purchases from my own money. Again, I agree that any sane person would interpret a loan (from whatever source) as being 'your own money', but when talking about UKBF sanity, common sense, and the law are things which only happen in other places.
    I can certainly see one of their goons using UKBF-logic to reason that a loan from a friend for purchasing baccy means that you are using their money to buy the baccy, therefore you are carrying the baccy on their behalf, therefore gotcha!
    OK, I know it is an extreme, nay Python-esque interpretation of what you are saying, but in the perverted world of UKBF staff, I would have thought quite possible.

    A Nony Mouse

    1. Yes perhaps they would but in a court of law it is classed as 'your own money' plus you have incurred a debt. 2 separate entities entirely. Same as purchasing anything on a credit card. What you buy is owned by you ... which is separate from the debt ... as it would be with a cash advance through the credit card.

      lt is not hire purchase.

    2. Also if you got a personal loan from say barclays ... would you be purchasing tobacco on their behalf?

  7. Way to go bert! Love it. Bert 1 UKBA 0 :)

  8. When we went to Adinkerke in May I took, for the first time ever, the ATM slips to show that we had withdrawn £900 from our accounts 2 days earlier.

    Rather glad I've not smoked for over 24 years as it's hard enough convincing UKBA that one persons supply is reasonable consumption for two people over 6 months.

  9. Are UKBA "white van man"? l think they are cos they protect his trade and supply him with new customers.

  10. SH you never cease to amaze and make me Laugh. Way to go Bert...


  11. There is an open invitation for everyone to turn up for a pro smoking protest march on sunday 29 july, washingborough Road Lincoln, we are hoping for a couple of hundred to turn up with local press and local radio confirmed, drinks and nibbles laid on.

    53.21965,-0.52227 copy and paste those coordinates into google maps

    see you at st swithins at 1pm, for a march down washingborough Road from st swithins to toll bar lodge.

    1. Haha ... yeah right. What is it? ... a sewerage works? hospice? cemetery?

      Nice try but no cigar!

    2. PMSL at Simon supposedly writing on your blog! Hell would freeze over first!

  12. Same comment appeared on the Bolton Smokers Club site - no attribution, nothing on Forest website. Nothing to do with Pat Nurse either (Pat is from Lincoln), as far as I can see.

    Regarding funding, a credit card account gives a person a limit up to which they can borrow - no question asked. Got a credit card? Take a statement showing balance outstanding and credit limit.

    1. Obviously SH wasnt taken in at all. Frank Davis was wondering if it was genuine :-)


"In the eyes of the Tribunal the review letter contained several preconceptions, prejudgments and non-sequiturs"

"the absurdity of this reason is demonstrated by simply stating it"

"We therefore find that Mr Sked misdirected himself as to the Policy in carrying out the review and his decision is therefore one that no reasonable review officer could have arrived at."

... commonly known here at N2D as 'Skeds' ... that is to say these are Judges comments regarding UKBA Review Officer Ian Sked's reasons for rejecting peoples appeals against seizures.

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