New Years Eve Party Brings On Pink Elephants

I could feel eyes looking at me but I wasn't going to open my eyelids. I was warm and content in this little single bed and it was going to take something pretty exceptional to prise me from it. I couldn't remember coming to bed or indeed what time it had been when I had done so, This had to be New Years Day 2012 but there was the distinct possibility of having missed it and it now being the 2nd Jan. Whichever it was, it was certainly daylight. My body was starting to suggest l gave it coffee. At first l ignored the suggestions but these soon changed to demands. I resolved myself to getting up and facing the eyes.

As my eyes opened l was greeted by 2 pink elephants but they were not alone ... there were a host of eyes staring at me. I decided it best not to acknowledge them in case they decided to speak to me. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes and noticed that the bed covers were also pink ... as in fact was the entire room it seemed. This was not good.

I located my jeans and t-shirt on the floor and put them on. My socks were nowhere to be seen ... another trophy for the damn sock monster! There was a red dress and womens underthingies also on the floor. I glanced over at the other single bed and there was what l surmised to be the owner of said garments. The form had no covers on and was curled up in the foetal position attired in a black and white hooped rugby shirt far too big for her. I couldn't see her face but the rugby shirt had obligingly a number 9 on the back, so for now l would refer to her as '9'. I went over to '9' and covered her in the bed cover that was on the floor ... yes, it was pink.

Still ignoring the many eyes in the bedroom, l vacated the room and went to the bathroom. Then l made my way downstairs and passed the door of the living room where all the festivities had taken place. My head was far too fuzzy and neither was I brave enough to contemplate entering there yet so I continued onto the kitchen in search of coffee that my body was by now screaming for.

To help those with no imagination

As I opened the door I was greeted with the sight of another female in an identical shirt as '9' upstairs except this was number '22'. How many of them were there for gods sake? My mind started to boggle just as '22' turned round revealing her identity as the hostess of the household. The shirt came down mid-thigh and looked like it was a dress ... a bit baggy but a dress none the less. She said good morning and wished me Happy New Year, to which I replied the same. She told me to sit down at the table and asked me if I wanted tea or coffee. I think by now you've guessed which l asked for.

She poured me a coffee from the coffee machine and l noted that it was a from full pot so refills were readily and thankfully available. There was a great sign above the coffee machine ... it said "Show Me The Coffee And Nobody Gets Hurt" ... how true!

We chatted as I lit up my first cigarette. There cannot be many things that can equal equal that first cigarette and coffee of the day. Don't know how to really put it into words but ... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh comes close. As Planet Rock played on the DAB radio we discussed the New Years Eve party. It had been a great night with vast quantities of alcohol consumed along with the smokes. I dread to think of how much money the local pub had missed out on. Before any smoking bans were in place we always went to the pub but no longer do we do that and haven't for years now. Neither do our non-smoking friends ... they prefer to be with us.

l grabbed a quick shower in the downstairs bathroom off the kitchen and when l surfaced again, the hostess with the mostest had prepared bacon and tomato sandwiches. What better way to start the day ... well, the afternoon really.

I helped her clean up the living room of all the glasses, bottles, plates, food, ashtrays, cigarette packets, empty baccy pouches ... blah blah blah. Strange how all these empty discarded baccy products had foreign writing on them  ... I wonder what they say? There were 3 comatose guests still in the living room sprawled out on the sofas but they didn't show any signs of wakening.

l have to thank our hosts for a truly great night, I suppose I should thank her little daughters for the use of their pink bedroom (filled with an army of stuffed toys including pink elephants) when they get back from their grandparents too.We had no fatalities from any of our non-smoking guests in regards to second-hand smoke nor any fatalities despite everyone going way over the recommended alcohol limit.

An excellent start to 2012, we still get our smokes and alcohol cheap, we continue to expand our smoky-drinkys and continue to have fun. Wonder what our smokerphobe enemies did for New Year?

l'll finish with wishing all you folks a Happy New Year as you'll have to excuse me now ... l want a 'hair of the dog' :)