WARNING! Do NOT read on if of a delicate disposition. Graphic Content!
Decided tooth was coming out no matter what. Got some pliers and put rubber heat shrink on the jaws. Thinking was that hard steel and teeth are not a good match and definitely did not want to break the tooth ... just wanted it out.
Pliers no good! Wisdom tooth was at back top of mouth and not enough room to get at tooth. Plan 2 then! Got some signal wire (small 14 strand electrical cable), made a noose with reef knot so it didn't come undone. Forced noose round base of tooth .... OUCH! Tightened noose ... OUCH! Took other end and wrapped it round my hand and then stood up.
Clasped my hands together, counted to 3 and pulled as hard as l could downwards. AARRRGHHHH!
1 sec ... PAIN! 2 secs PAIN!!! 3 secs ... hands came fully down, wire flew out of mouth ... pain disappearing .... just dull throbbing. Forced myself to look down at end of wire now on floor and there is a wisdom tooth. Jesus it's big! l never realised they go in so far.
Relief is flooding through me at the lack of pain. The relief is overwhelming. Now l can feel liquid in my mouth and taste it ... l know its blood. Must sterilise where the tooth has been so go for the antiseptic mouthwash in bathroom. Damn! ... none left. Rinse my mouth at the sink and spit .... all red!
Antiseptic? what can l use? All JD had gone but then l remembered l had a bottle of Wild Turkey Bourbon, 8yr old distilled 101 proof. Actually l had a third of a bottle left and l'd had it for years so it must have been at least 20 years old.
Took the bottle, pulled the cork (yes, they have corks) and took a swig, swilled it round and spit it out. No idea what colour it was now because Wild Turkey is dark brown. Took another swig and where my wisdom tooth had been was now numb, it had stung at first at first swig but now by this second swig it didn't. Caveman mode was still in full flow so auto-pilot took over and l swallowed the Wild Turkey ... l know, but what the hell!
Found some cotton wool and shoved it in the gap made by vacant wisdom tooth and took another swig. Lit a ciggie, sat down on the sofa and took another drink. True Hamlet moment! At peace with the world and no pain!
Next thing l know, its 10.00am, l'm still on the sofa and the Wild Turkey bottle is empty. My tongue tells me that there is a gap in my teeth, a tooth is missing but so is the pain. Strange self-satisfying feeling of achievement. l feel great, a bit fuzzy but that's down to the Wild Turkey! My eyes lock onto the wire on the floor and what's at the end of it. l pick it up .... fuck me, it's big!
l'm supposed to be at dentist at 4.30. Should l go and freak him out .... or should l just cancel? :)
This is the second time in my life l've had to do major D.I.Y. on myself. The other involved a knife slash on my forearm and stitches but l'll leave that story for another time. l think l've grossed you out enough for the time being.!
Have a nice long weekend .... l will! :)
Play nice now.
