Cambodian Border Guards v UKBA Border Guards

Clean and oiled weapons SBC :)
lt was gone midnight when the Thai taxi finally stopped at the Cambodian Border Post after travelling miles on little more than a dust track. Not that you could tell it was a border control as it was pitch black so you could see nothing and was in the middle of nowhere..The passenger door suddenly opened and a bright light shone in my face from the border guards torch.He took the passport out of my hand, shone the torch on the passport and then back to my face. 'Ah' he said and then spoke my name, surname first and christian name last. l replied 'Yes' and a hand then beckoned me out.

I paid the taxi driver $100 even though he said the cost was $40. This was because he had taken me on a 6hr trip to Bangkok, slept in his taxi overnight and then picked me up in the afternoon to bring me to Cambodia ... another 6hr road trip. l thought he deserved it.

As the taxi sped off l followed the border guard to the border post. This wooden thatched 'building' could've come straight out of a Rambo movie. The inside was dimly lit but l could see 3 or 4 other guards in there. l could also see quite a number of AK-47's propped against the wall. l was asked to sit down at a table and then was offered a coffee and something to snack on whilst he took my passport to his desk and made a phonecall. The other guards came over to me and in broken English tried to strike up a conversation. l offered them a cigarette which they gratefully accepted.

As we 'chatted' l realised the situation l was in. Here l was at a border post that doesn't exist on google maps because it's actually in the jungle so you can't see it, no-one knew l was here, l had no visa for entry to Cambodia and l was carrying approx $1400 in cash (average wage at that time in Cambodia was $14 a month). This actual border post was only used by locals as only they knew where it was, foreigners certainly did not use it or even knew of its existence.

So l stayed there for about half an hour as they enquired about my life in England, what l was doing in the casino at Koh Kong, my family etc whilst telling me about their lives.By this time we were on first name terms as all had introduced themselves to me. This friendly conversation came to an end as their attention turned to the sound of an approaching vehicle. lt was the taxi that the senior border guard had requested from the casino l was going to when he had phoned them. l said my goodbyes, left them 2 sleeves of cigarettes and was on my way along another dusty road that did not 'exist' ... the locals called it the Campaign Trail. l had not been searched or interrogated and had been treat with courtesy and offered refreshments.

Fast forward to my return to Doncaster UK from the EU. The UKBA 'border guards' held me against my will for over an hour, refused me entry to UK despite having a British passport, would not give me their names or ID numbers, were arrogant, rude and dismissive, would not tell me why l was being held, tried to steal my cigarettes and refused me a glass of water.

Makes you proud to be British, doesn't it?


  1. Goonies are just thieving lying bullies

  2. interesting life you lead SH

  3. l think your a spy Smokey. l mean c'mon, getting into Cambodia without a visa!!!!!!

  4. Easier than getting into my own country Anon 12.26!

  5. LOL yes, cleaned and oiled...except the AK is one gun that actually prefers being covered in shit....apparently it keeps the baling twine supple.

  6. SBC ... Whilst at the casino l talked to one of the casino guards. He said he was trained to use the AK when he was a child.
    The casino also had a unique garden ornament ... a fully operational tank (decked in fairy lights) :)

  7. "He said he was trained to use the AK when he was a child."

    Yeah growing up in Bethnal Green is tough. I know.

  8. A Goth on the Road to Damascus

    As a Briton("ally of Israel")I
    got quite used to being pulled in
    by the MURHABARA (State Security Guards,plain clothed Palestians)
    A feature of their interest was to
    take me to their Refugee Camp
    (The Moukhayam) and introduce me to
    family members selling Rolex watches,UZI carbines and Marlboro
    fags not to mention the home made fig beer(Christian Palestinians)
    Sometimes I was driven to nearby
    Beirut to see the Israeli bombing,
    better still ,Benson and Hedges
    were plentifull and Carlsberg was on draught
    As an "ally of Zion"I was still treated like human ,not so at
    Dover where I was treated like
    an unwashed leper.
    This is not the England for which
    our forefathers spilled blood, the
    England for which our mothers wept
    .....THIS IS NOT MY ENGLAND.....

    Gothic Odes

  9. The AK is a wonderful piece of engineering. Single shot is is pretty accurate at a distance. On full auto it isn't at all accurate but it gets the heads down. The old M16 didn't have a chromed barrel and would jam easily. Quite a few US troops used captured AKs. But it has a very distinctive report and Western troops are trained to head towards the sound.

    Pity UKBA staff as you describe have lost their manners.

  10. Chalcedon ... UKBA staff didn't lose it, they never had it. Gone are the days of HM Customs when they had integrity. Sadly, l'm old enough to remember the days when you could trust and talk to Customs.

  11. Given their recent history, I find the Cambodians remarkably unfuckedup. The authorities, as you found, tend to be fairly easy going.

    I have many an interesting border crossing tale to tell from my years trawling round Europe and Asia in the late 60s / early 70s, some good, some not so good!

    In the UK the border guards are the worst type of little Hitlers you could ever want to meet. The archetypal nobodies that when given a sniff of power just have to exercise it to the max. God preserve us from men with small dicks and uniforms with shiny buttons.

  12. Nisakiman ... true, l had the same thoughts. Still rate the UKBA the worst. To be fair though before we went into EU and supposed free trade l found our Customs very professional and trustworthy. That was a long time ago though and definitely not the case now.


"In the eyes of the Tribunal the review letter contained several preconceptions, prejudgments and non-sequiturs"

"the absurdity of this reason is demonstrated by simply stating it"

"We therefore find that Mr Sked misdirected himself as to the Policy in carrying out the review and his decision is therefore one that no reasonable review officer could have arrived at."

... commonly known here at N2D as 'Skeds' ... that is to say these are Judges comments regarding UKBA Review Officer Ian Sked's reasons for rejecting peoples appeals against seizures.

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