Zaphod gets pulled by Armed Response Police

By Zaphod

I pulled out of a side street. It was late on Saturday night, in a residential area, so the music wasn’t too loud, (Free- All Right Now). Not much traffic, but I noticed that the car coming was a police car, so I turned it down. They do like an excuse to pull a transit late at night. (Is this some kind of “ism”).

He followed me for a couple of miles, staying well back. Maybe he was just going the same way? Maybe he only wanted to do 27 mph too? He wasn’t catching me up.

He was waiting for backup.

Another car caught him up, and then they both switched the blues on.

I stopped, switched off, opened the door, and started to get out. (I always do that, it takes away their first opportunity to tell me what to do.)  He appeared at the passenger window, “Switch off and step out please, sir.”

“It is off, and I’m already half out.”

Out on the pavement, there are three of them. They’ve got the full kit, bristling with belts and pouches and exciting dangly things.

“Do you know why I stopped you, sir?”

“No, I don’t know why you stopped me. Why have you stopped me?”

“When you pulled out of  the side street-“
“No, there was plenty of room. You didn’t need to brake, did you?”
“No, I didn’t need to brake, but that’s a ‘Stop and Give Way’, you didn’t quite stop.”
“So, you’ve got an excuse. What do you want?”
“Would you come and sit in the car please, sir?”
“No, I won’t. I object to being locked in.”
“You’ll lock the door. I don’t like being detained against my will.”
“You’ve been stopped before?”
“I drive a transit, you like stopping transits.”

“As you’re smoking, we need to wait 10 minutes to do a breathalyser.”
“I can smell cannabis on you. Have you got any?”
“No, you can’t. No, I haven’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“Nice try. Good bluff.  No. You. Can’t.”
“I can!”
“No.   You.   Can’t.”

So we all got chatting while we waited. I couldn’t keep up the attitude.
“Are you a musician? You’ve got a lot of speakers in the back.”
“No, that’s just my stereo.”
“What? They’re all wired up?”

They were quickly sorry that they’d asked. “Blah blah, kilowatts, amps, etc”

We were just four guys now, brandishing our technology.
“What’s all that kit you’re carrying? Is it all necessary?”
“You wouldn’t believe how heavy it all is.”
“Is that a gun? It’s a gun! Ah no, it’s a Taser?”
“No, this one is a Taser, that one is the gun.”
Cop Two says, “I’ve got a gun too!”
Cop Three says, “I’ve got a Taser!” (Nobody was impressed.)

They weren’t a bad bunch of lads. We parted on good terms. They didn’t attempt to search the van.

I get pulled a lot, but I’ve never had an Armed Response Team before!


  1. That was very cool of you Zaphod, especially as the AK-47's were still in the back!

    l'm joking Mr Policeman :)

  2. Bit worrying when armed police can be deployed when White Van Man fails to fully stop at a STOP sign. There has to be more to it, surely?

  3. Still a bunch of pricks stopping you for a bullshit reason, but it's probably not wise to say that to a bunch of armed pricks stopping you for a bullshit reason.

  4. Is it just my browser or does that gun look awfully dirty to anyone else?

    -SBC (on of those people who actually *worry* about such things)

  5. "Bit worrying when armed police can be deployed when White Van Man fails to fully stop at a STOP sign."

    What do they do to the cretins who fail to signal at roundabouts? Send Seal Team 6?

  6. Zaphod is more civil than me ... l wouldn't have parted on very good terms with policymen

  7. I've been stopped by riot police in
    Paris(1968)Carabiniera in Rome(64)
    DDR Volkspolizei(Berlin 71),plain clothed Warsaw (78)Belgian state police (76)
    Murhabara(Secret Police) Damascus,
    Syria 84
    Oh and UKBA 4 times in our beloved land of the free,England
    The foreign chappies gave me a cup of cofee and some yanky cigs to smoke during our tete a tete
    Our nice Gestapo wannabees treated me like a rabid dog.
    Its not just the looting underclass who have lost respect for this land,it is now a sizeable chunk of once respectfull citizens.

    Visigothic Yesteryears

  8. My own experiences are much the same. All the foreign security authorities abroad have always treat me with far more respect and integrity than the UKBA!

    To be honest before we went into EU and the supposed free trade our Customs Officers were in my opinion second to none.

    Since then, the standard of officers has gone steadily down and has hit almost the bottom of the barrel ever since they amalgamated into the UKBA ... but l'm sure they'll achieve worse standards!

  9. You're right on the state of the gun SBC ... it's a bloody disgrace.

    Some Americans think so too ...

  10. The "There has to be more to it surely?" lot need to open their eyes and get their heads out of MSM - No - there really doesn't have to be more to it.

    Police only need an excuse to stop someone if they fancy searching them. Failing to pause at a stop sign is enough - even if you didn't fail to pause, it's still enough. Police can lie and get away with it - I see it all the time.

    Calls for more police on the streets terrifies me :(

  11. You're right, Pat. People don't realise how bad it can be; especially the respectable ones.

    Most cops are not really that bad, but like anyone else, if they're not disciplined when they're naughty, they get worse. Like children, they have to be given a line to not cross.

    Everytime I see a youtube of someone getting hassled, with the cops getting shirty about being filmed, I'm reminded of the sheep mantra- "If you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to worry about."

    We need a police force, but they have to be trained, and the training has to be regularly reinforced. Hiding their ID number should be a sackable offence. While they wear that uniform, they work for me and you.

    They are not our masters. They do not work for our masters.

    I still try to avoid seeing them as my enemy, but it's hard sometimes.

    One day soon, they will get wise to the fact that personal video recording is becoming ubiquitous. Then either things will change, or it will be outlawed. I don't think it can be outlawed, things are not that bad yet?


"In the eyes of the Tribunal the review letter contained several preconceptions, prejudgments and non-sequiturs"

"the absurdity of this reason is demonstrated by simply stating it"

"We therefore find that Mr Sked misdirected himself as to the Policy in carrying out the review and his decision is therefore one that no reasonable review officer could have arrived at."

... commonly known here at N2D as 'Skeds' ... that is to say these are Judges comments regarding UKBA Review Officer Ian Sked's reasons for rejecting peoples appeals against seizures.

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