God Bless Hooky Street ...... Guest post by SBC

-Some Tips On Avoiding Counterfeit Smokes & Tobacco BY SBC

As Smoking Hot has said many many times: His Blog is NOT about smuggling and seeks neither to promote nor condone criminal behaviour. The fact that the government forces people into the arms of the White Van Men does not excuse smuggling. Save up, beg or borrow some money and shop abroad LEGALLY.
That said however most of us probably DO have recourse to the Black Market at some point-if only to fill the gaps between trips (Hey Mr Chancellor, you do realize the more people can bring back “without let or hindrance” then the less they’ll buy smuggled goods, don’t you?).
And even those with delusions of honesty, who still have more money than sense and buy at Mr Patells, are increasingly likely to find themselves buying counterfeits.  About the only place you can be sure of getting the Real Thing these days is at big name supermarkets.
That said a lot of fakes are very smokeable and the only real difference is that they use lower grade tobaccos (often with higher nicotine contents etc). Its very rare these days to find fakes that aren’t actually made from 100% tobacco...although there are still some I’m sure but the counterfeiters learnt long ago that killing off your customers is not a sound business strategy.
I have even encountered one brand of Chinese ciggies where the fake was better tasting than the original and both were made in the same factory! Go figure.
Anyhows....
Last night before going to bed I opened a fresh pack of GV and rolled, as is my want, a couple for first thing in the morning cos when I wake up I’m not even Cro-Magnon let alone Neanderthal.
This morning then I stagger out of bed, spark up and suddenly my head starts spinning, cold sweat drips off my forehead and I have a feeling like I need to decide whether to pass out, throw up or simply die on the spot.
Toxic shock reaction maybe? After a night’s sleep the nicotine levels in your body have dropped and then the higher nicotine content in the ‘fake’ tobacco can simply be too much. The first smoke of the day makes a lot of people feel slightly light headed, this was just too much of a good thing I guess.
So once the room had stopped turning on its axis I checked the tobacco packet....and then all the packets I had in the cupboard.
Can you spot which is fake?


[The top one is the genuine]
The ONLY visible difference was the lack of serial number (almost impossible to photograph so I won’t).
Now the smuggler I use prides himself on the quality of his produce, which he transports himself from Spain. So this morning I went to see him to remonstrate. He was rightly shocked and we sat down to work out how it happened. He even showed me the receipts! Turns out one of his ‘bods’ had decided to use a little initiative and skim off the top by selling fakes.
There is no honour among...
So how DO you spot fakes?
Here my top tips:
* Price
The price is probably the single easiest and most reliable guide. Tell me what it will cost and I’ll tell you whether or not its kosher.
Tobacco costs  £4-5 in the Benelux, depending on brand. If someone is offering you GV with a BNL tax stamp at 5 quid a pack then it is FAKE. Smugglers may be heroes to many of us but it  is a business not a charity. There is no way even someone who is smuggling it in by the truck and trailer load can afford to sell it at just 50p above cost.
Small time hobby smugglers (ie your ‘mate’ down the pub) might knock it out at about £6.50 a pouch but  a more realistic price is £7-8.
Know your European prices, check the tax stamp and do the math. The only people who can offer ‘Dutch’ GV at £5 a pouch are counterfeiters.

 
ATM I’m paying £8.50 a pouch for genuine Spanish GV or £8 for a ‘Half Shag’ brand like Samson/Drum etc.
Same applies to Straights. A pack of premium smokes may cost a couple of quid in the old East Block but any smuggler is going to want to make at least a £1 profit on it. So ciggies that are supposed come from Bulgaria at £2.50 a pack are probably fake. Same with those ‘Duty Free’ labelled packs. Less than £3.50 for a pack of Marlboro? Dream on. Even packs from Outer Backwardstan or Nigeria cost at least £3 a pack after the cost of shipping.

*Packaging
The Fakers have gotten so good that it is almost impossible to tell a fake just by looking. Even Customs Officers can’t always tell.  More so because, in most buying situations,  you can’t really hold up the pack to the light and look at it.
The key to telling a fake pack is by FEEL.  You see, printing the packets professionally is fairly cheap. Once you’ve worked out the exact ink shade etc then you can run thousands of sheets very quickly and cheaply...especially when the person running the machine is a ten year old working for a bowl of rice.
What ISN’T cheap, quick nor easy, however, is E M B O S S I N G.

You think Marlboro cover their new 100s pack in raised micro dots to make it look ‘purdy’?



[think those dots are there to stop it slipping out of hand when drunk?]
Embossing is an art. I know because my very aged, supposedly retired, Father in Law still gets called in almost daily to the local printing works to do it for them because after about 1970 Germany stopped apprenticing Letter Press Printers. The tobacco print firms no doubt have their own specialist machines but for forgers things like embossing, stamping and perforating still mean using  old ‘Heidelberg’ letter press machines and it takes years of practice to get each sheet to come out exactly right time after time. Same goes for those stamped in serial numbers; it’s a hella lot easier and quicker just to have to stamp in the same number on every sheet.
Go into the nearest supermarket and buy a pack of whatever brand and then compare it to the ones in the carton you bought off that bloke in the market. On really good fakes you’ll notice that they even print the bits, that are supposed to be raised but aren’t, in such a way as to suggest that they are indeed embossed.
Hand rolling tobacco tends to come in hi-gloss printed plastic pouches these days and firms like GV have spent a fortune designing their packs. Not only to ensure freshness but to make them difficult to forge. Nine times out of ten you can tell a fake pouch simply by rubbing a genuine one between your fingers first and then testing the fake one. Dose the plastic feel right? Does it have the right thickness? Does the plastic smell off/chemically?
My own experience this morning is the exception that proves the rule. The fake pouch pictured above feels & looks EXACTLY right. Some counterfeiter has seriously upped their game.
Aside from that, printing on plastic is a bitch. Are all the letters ‘sharp’ or do they look like they had a close encounter with a washing machine?


*Taste
DUH!
Tobacco firms DO adapt their recipes for different regions but we’re talking, on the whole, about minimal changes. Yes an American Marlboro does taste slightly different to a European one but they are both still instantly recognizable as a Marlboro.
Chances are that if it doesn’t taste quite right then it isn’t quite right.  Too many people try and ignore it or tell themselves that ‘oh it’s a polish Marlboro, it probably tastes different’. Such self delusion is understandable, no one wants to have wasted
£
35-45 on a whole carton of fakes and only the really professional smugglers give refunds (no joke, some really do!).
*Serial Numbers & Tax Stamps

As with embossing, printing or stamping in serial numbers or tax stamp numbers in series is a pain and not worth the fakers time.

Most of you probably remember the recent ‘SHOCK! HORROR! SMOKERS ARE CRIMINALS AND SMUGGLERS ARE RAPING OUR LIVESTOCK AND STEALING OUR WIVES’ TV *cough* ‘report’ *Cough* where they showed whole sheets of BNL tax stamps where each stamp had the very same number.
It is tricky because every manufacturer does it differently but AFAIK each and every pack should have a serial number. Same goes for most tax stamps, again AFAIK.
Did you know that most tobacco firms are, in my experience, happy to tell you down the phone whether or not a serial number is kosher? A polite “Hi, I don’t know if you can help me but I was given a couple packets of Morleys by a friend and they seem to taste funny. Could you tell me if the serial numbers are genuine?” works well.
-----------

Is the price asked realistic?
Are the embossed bits embossed?
Does it taste right?
Only buy one pack/pouch to start with and have a genuine one to compare to. That’s about the only way to really stay safe.

13 comments:

  1. Mmmmm hard decision ... £8 for 50gm GV of dubious source and content ... or ... £4.60 for 50gm of GV from EU ... or ... £14.16 for 50gm GV from ASDA?

    I am a realist and l know that 'white van man' is looked upon by the people of lower incomes as a Robin Hood and in all honesty l cannot blame them. lf they had the capital they could save themselves 40-45% on 'white van mans' prices so why don't they? They could borrow the money and pay it back thus saving themselves money in these hard times and would be do something positive against smuggling.

    However they don't because they are threatened and intimidated not to do it. lf they do, they run the risk of losing their goods. No, l'm not talking about the likes of 'White van man' doing this to them, l'm talking about a far more organised 'criminal' gang stopping them because they want the profits to go to their bosses/masters.

    Yes, it's the UKBA who confiscate tobacco from these people on the basis that they are unemployed and therefore cannot afford to buy their tobacco abroad! This is their reason for confiscation! They say theses people can't afford to buy theses goods and therefore should buy these goods from such as ASDA at a 200% markup. lf anyone can explain the logic of that please feel free to try!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah its goona be real hard for the counterfet gangs if we go the way of Oz. olive green packets with all the same fonts! What a set of morons these politicans are, thick as shit.

    ReplyDelete
  3. l couldnt care less where the baccy comes from aslong as its not the UK. Fuck 'em

    ReplyDelete
  4. "lf anyone can explain the logic of that please feel free to try! "-SH

    Good point SH. No I don't mean that I am going to attempt to explain the logic behind it because I'd need at least a whole bottle whiskey to dumb myself to be able to think at their level and i've been on the wagon for over 3 years.

    But your comment is a timely reminder for me to make sure that among the documentation i take with me is proof of a 'loan'. My only income, officially, is the Care Allowance I get for looking after the Trouble 'n Strife so it would be possible for UKBA to claim that I couldn't afford to go abroad..

    Sweet Jesus, all this documentary evidence is going to take up valuable bacca space! Proof of Loan, proof of income, proof that I smoke 3 packs a day (no it isn't rude gesture Officer, check the stains), Proof those I'm bringing in gifts for are likewise heavy smokers, proof of what tobacco I brought in one my last trips, and then the complete works of SH just I can revise on the ferry.

    I will of course have it all in Non Dead Tree Format on the lappy but I doubt I can persuade an UKBA Agent that PDF's are legal proof.

    ReplyDelete
  5. SBC ... don't forget a digital voice recorder :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nope I'm planning on taking a spy cam watch or similar.




    ....only problem is that I always sound retarded on tape.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "....only problem is that I always sound retarded on tape."

    That could work to your advantage?

    ReplyDelete
  8. "....only problem is that I always sound retarded on tape."

    Experience has shown that representatives of a certain agency already have the monopoly on that trait so it certainly won't be a problem you need concern yourself with.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well maybe the simple truth is that I am retarded!

    But on the whole it's vanity.

    I like to think I have a deep rich Brian Blessed meets Phil Mitchell voice with a soup├žon of Teutonic overlay, pounding the pulpit and laying the WORD OF THE LORD upon the Unrighteous!


    But on tape its more like a mockney Mr Bean mac using 'tard .

    ReplyDelete
  10. lf l was a smuggler my wish list would be:-

    1. Government to make all tobacco products very expensive. TICK

    2. Government to do everything it can to stop people buying tobacco products in the EU where they are much cheaper. These people then become my customers. TICK

    3. Government make it easy to counterfeit all the different brands by bringing in plain packaging. TICK

    4. Government make it illegal to display any tobacco products and making it a regulation to hide tobacco products beneath the counter. This then allows the Russian and Chinese brands & counterfeit stuff to be stocked as well. TICK

    5. l was going to say Government to disband UKBA/HMRC but seeing as they in reality work for me, the smuggler, that would be stupid.

    Oh, happy days!

    ReplyDelete
  11. i have just bought 5 packs of gv, and have noticed all the serial numbers are the same - does that mean they are fakes?

    ReplyDelete
  12. You are probably looking at the batch number. The duty paid labels should be all different though.

    ReplyDelete
  13. where on the pouch is the serial number and where is the batch no

    ReplyDelete

"In the eyes of the Tribunal the review letter contained several preconceptions, prejudgments and non-sequiturs"

"the absurdity of this reason is demonstrated by simply stating it"

"We therefore find that Mr Sked misdirected himself as to the Policy in carrying out the review and his decision is therefore one that no reasonable review officer could have arrived at."

... commonly known here at N2D as 'Skeds' ... that is to say these are Judges comments regarding UKBA Review Officer Ian Sked's reasons for rejecting peoples appeals against seizures.

Comments are now moderated to keep out spam and those with malicious intent. The author of this blog is not liable for the content of any comments ... period!