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Outlaws, Outlaws, ..... everywhere.
The smell of coffee hit my nostrils as l poured the hot water into the cup. What a glorious sensation that is first thing in the morning, definitely one of life's pleasures. Something at the back of my mind told me there was something amiss in the kitchen, something missing. My brain tried to kick in and for a brief moment did ... then spluttered to a stop like engines do on a cold winter morning. That brief moment had given me the answer though ... the cats! Our 2 cats were usually there in a morning waiting for their humans to feed them. Waiting is not an adequate description as it omits the constant meowing, just in case your eyes didn't see them.
Obviously the barbecue last night had more than accommodated their needs and they were now curled up asleep somewhere warm and secluded as cats do. The smell of last nights barbie was still lingering and l chuckled to myself as l wondered what the health food control freaks would've made of it. There was a great deal of red meat incl 16oz steaks ... how much was that over the 70gm recommended limit?
Leaving the kitchen l made my way into the living room. One had to be careful as the floor was littered with plates, bottles, glasses, ashtrays empty cigarettes packets and one comatose human. Only the back of the head was visible from under the quilt but by the hair l deducted the form was female but l could've been wrong. l slumped into the leather armchair that was in the bay window and reached for some cigarettes. The ownership of the cigarettes were in definite dispute but they were my brand so it was close enough.
Picking up a lighter made me feel really smug with myself. l'd bought 6 lighters a couple of months ago, they are disposable lighters but they are big. So big that they rarely if ever get lost because they are about 6" long and 1.5" wide! No inadvertently putting them in your pockets etc, no losing them amongst the flotsam and jetsam ... you just light up and put them down. l could see 2 others in the room and l wasn't even really looking. These lighters really are a must.
Ahhhhhhh that first cigarette and coffee in a morning ... words fail me. What could be more satisfying? ... perhaps that cigarette after you've just had great sex? .... mmmmmmmm. As l contemplated this, l surveyed what had been our living room. Over on the sofa were two other humans, although identification was impossible as the only body parts visible were 4 feet ... feet on the end of legs, not measurement.
Amongst the plates were bottles and glasses, lots of them, and they all seemed to be empty. The UK Treasury would not be happy though as all the wine and beer had been homemade. The Jack D wasn't homemade but it had been bought abroad. Then there were all the cigarette and tobacco packets scattered about displaying various health warnings. One assumes they were health warnings but seeing as they were all in foreign languages how could l be sure? Nope, the UK treasury would definitely not be happy at all and neither would all the righteous health control freaks.
All this red meat, alcohol, tobacco ... and all on the righteous outlawed list, yet wonderfully enjoyed by all our guests. These included non-smokers, smokers, male, female, different ages and all of them outlaws! What a great morning! Finishing my coffee and cigarette l rose from the armchair as Stay from Floyd began to play.
l then opened the curtains and looked out .... PERFECT!