Outlaws, Outlaws, ..... everywhere.

It had been a very good Smoky-Drinky evening ... well actually most of the night, prob all of the night for some. ln fact l do remember it being daylight when l finally crashed out. I awoke wanting coffee, so l made my way slowly downstairs to the kitchen. Music was still playing but at a low level, someone thoughtful had turned it down low in the early hours. l realised that 'someone' was probably me once l recognised the playlist that was on ... it was my mellow playlist. We have numerous playlists from the 2000+ albums on the music system. The track currently playing was Brown Eyes by the Mac.

The smell of coffee hit my nostrils as l poured the hot water into the cup. What a glorious sensation that is first thing in the morning, definitely one of life's pleasures. Something at the back of my mind told me there was something amiss in the kitchen, something missing. My brain tried to kick in and for a brief moment did ... then spluttered to a stop like engines do on a cold winter morning. That brief moment had given me the answer though ... the cats! Our 2 cats were usually there in a morning waiting for their humans to feed them. Waiting is not an adequate description as it omits the constant meowing, just in case your eyes didn't see them.

Obviously the barbecue last night had more than accommodated their needs and they were now curled up asleep somewhere warm and secluded as cats do. The smell of last nights barbie was still lingering and l chuckled to myself as l wondered what the health food control freaks would've made of it. There was a great deal of red meat incl 16oz steaks ... how much was that over the 70gm recommended limit?

Leaving the kitchen l made my way into the living room. One had to be careful as the floor was littered with plates, bottles, glasses, ashtrays empty cigarettes packets and one comatose human. Only the back of the head was visible from under the quilt but by the hair l deducted the form was female but l could've been wrong. l slumped into the leather armchair that was in the bay window and reached for some cigarettes. The ownership of the cigarettes were in definite dispute but they were my brand so it was close enough.

Picking up a lighter made me feel really smug with myself. l'd bought 6 lighters a couple of months ago, they are disposable lighters but they are big. So big that they rarely if ever get lost because they are about 6" long and 1.5" wide! No inadvertently putting them in your pockets etc, no losing them amongst the flotsam and jetsam ... you just light up and put them down. l could see 2 others in the room and l wasn't even really looking. These lighters really are a must.

Ahhhhhhh that first cigarette and coffee in a morning ... words fail me. What could be more satisfying? ... perhaps that cigarette after you've just had great sex? .... mmmmmmmm. As l contemplated this, l surveyed what had been our living room. Over on the sofa were two other humans, although identification was impossible as the only body parts visible were 4 feet ... feet on the end of legs, not measurement.

Should l mention the pair of skimpy knickers on the floor? ... no, better not.

Amongst the plates were bottles and glasses, lots of them, and they all seemed to be empty. The UK Treasury would not be happy though as all the wine and beer had been homemade. The Jack D wasn't homemade but it had been bought abroad. Then there were all the cigarette and tobacco packets scattered about displaying various health warnings. One assumes they were health warnings but seeing as they were all in foreign languages how could l be sure? Nope, the UK treasury would definitely not be happy at all and neither would all the righteous health control freaks.

All this red meat, alcohol, tobacco ... and all on the righteous outlawed list, yet wonderfully enjoyed by all our guests. These included non-smokers, smokers, male, female, different ages and all of them outlaws! What a great morning! Finishing my coffee and cigarette l rose from the armchair as Stay from Floyd began to play.

l then opened the curtains and looked out .... PERFECT!


  1. Upon reading the above account of licentious untaxed unhealthiness and debauch a spokesman for Downing ST commented:"SH is a very very BAD man and needs a trip to the Naughty Step"

  2. Upon hearing Downing St's comment SH said "That'll be the day!"

  3. Smoking Hot: the only thing tougher than his stance on the UKBA are his arteries.

  4. My type of party and the lighters sound excellent. Do tell where they came from?

  5. Terrific party lucky you. How to get an invite that's the question ?

    :from just another one of the millions out there who can't bear the misery and oppression we live under now

    A party - a proper party - those were the days !

  6. Anon 10.18

    Our flag flying is an open invite. Summer is best as we are in garden (sound system installed there too). People passing by usually stop and talk ... then end up staying.

    The Resistance is well.
    Anon 05.47

    Lighters are at most markets

    Better to burn out than fade away

  7. Your gaff sounds like my kinda place. l'll look for the flag!

  8. "
    Better to burn out than fade away "-SH

    True, so true..but after the 'living for the Sting and Burn Of Pleasure' comes the Germoline of Old Age!

    All those weapons grade parties of youth have left me with a partial hearing loss, IBS and a ruined liver.

    Sipping tonic water all night is as good as it gets these days :(

  9. SBC

    Not Keith Richards then? :(

    l don't drink normally but when it's party time l do. Demolishing a bottle of JD is no problem at all. :)

  10. SH, no not Keith Richards, more a reformed Kerouac....I would post an 'apres party of my youth' piece I wrote but even you would feel the need to delete it (apparently the mental image of underage lesbians peeing in your bath water upsets people) :P

    I'm was or rather am an alcoholic. An alcoholic of the sort that gives alcoholics a bad name. Lire and a half a day of scotch everyday. Been 'dry' now (this time) for 3 1/2 years but I did so much damage to my body that even alcohol in cough syrup makes me sick.

  11. You're not alone SBC. Coke is God's way of telling you that you're earning too much money ... and l was earning too much money. Also "there are three side effects of acid: enhanced long-term memory, decreased short-term memory, and I forget the third"

    Not been back there in 20 years though.

  12. LOL! Never my thing, although tried everything once. For me it was always that 'fixation with a liquid sensation'(to quote an 80's group).

  13. On the subject of Coke and the UKBA: I was just listening to the 'PM' programme on BBC Radio 4 while cooking dinner and apparently the UK is now the preferred transit route for cocaine smugglers! No doubt because the UKBA puts all its time and effort into harassing legitimate shoppers...

  14. SBC ... the barn doors have been wide open on that for a long long time. Of all the times l've been stopped and searched entering the UK, never once have l been personally searched ... not once. Every time it's been about tobacco/cigarettes and was l carrying any.

  15. If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
    Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

    Great blog and some lovely stories. xxx


"In the eyes of the Tribunal the review letter contained several preconceptions, prejudgments and non-sequiturs"

"the absurdity of this reason is demonstrated by simply stating it"

"We therefore find that Mr Sked misdirected himself as to the Policy in carrying out the review and his decision is therefore one that no reasonable review officer could have arrived at."

... commonly known here at N2D as 'Skeds' ... that is to say these are Judges comments regarding UKBA Review Officer Ian Sked's reasons for rejecting peoples appeals against seizures.

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