Guest post by SBC

They’re called “The Knock” because they don’t.

(...Or NEVER NEVER NEVER sell on that tobacco!)

Chances are that part of the reason you shop in the EU is because you simply can’t afford to pay our Big Society’s BIG prices. Like me, do you usually have more month left at the end of the money, right?  Baked beans week sound familiar?

At some point, you are going to think about selling on some of that Benelux-baccy, those spanish smokes, you’ve brought back and make some coin. Chances are you have mates who offer you money for your tobacco or fags and who will say things like “bring me back 400 Mayfair, I’ll give you the cash in advance"

Don’t.

I’ll repeat that for the more ‘Norfolk’ among us: DON’T!

Gather round Boys and Girls, it’s story time:

The living room turns into a disco of strobing blue light. No , I haven’t been drinking that home made absinthe,  and it isn’t an alien abduction.

Blues ‘n Toons filling our street.

The Bestest Wife In The Whole Wide World turns to me and asks  where the kids are. But, for once, the Peelers aren’t here for our good hearted but semi criminal kids (yeah, my parenting skills suck)....and anyway the police know that if they want my offspring then all they have to do is phone me and say “Johann, tell your eldest he’s nicked and needs to get his sorry arse to the nick asap”.

I wander out on the the street, nosy parker that I am. I can count at least ten police cars , marked and unmarked. Hell, I didn’t know we even had that many in Norfolk. I can see they’ve got the K9 and the CSI parked up at the end of the road and I’m guessing that tinted 4x4 is ‘tactical response’.

Didn’t know we had Muslims living in our street.?

We don’t.

They are outside ‘Bill The Builder’s’ House, so called because he is a builder. He is also known locally as ‘Baccy Bill’ cos he sells Baccy. The name’s the game. Infact he sells it for a ‘firm’ who bring it over by the lorry load from Gran Caneria or some place. Good gear too, no Chinese fake stuff cut with cyanide. Quality cigs and Golden Virgin.  He sells a lot to the local OAP’s , saves them eating dog food to survive the 8 months of winter we have a year here.

I wander over to one of the Uniforms that I know. First name terms, getting the SP. Its a customs’ operation. Mrs ‘Bill The Builder’ has walked out on him and saved herself the cost of a divorce by grassing him up to the ‘revenoo’.

Customs Officers are bringing sacks of tobacco and boxes of cartons out of the house. They are also bringing out Fishfinger packets full of £10 notes found in the freezer.

Bill The Builder gets 5 years at Her Majesty’s Grave Displeasure, he’ll be out in 3 and he’ll come out broke, the worst way to come out.  He loses his cars and his house too (Mrs Bill shot herself in the foot there, stupid c****). True story.

You see people, the State takes being stolen from real seriously. You mug an old lady and you’ll get Community Service but you get caught evading Duty then you can forget the next three years of your life AS A MINIMUM. Anything more than a couple of hundred quid’s worth of evaded duty means prison time. Sure as night follows day AND you’ll lose everything you own...unlike if you’d been caught selling smack to school kids.

Its tempting. It IS easy money. You sell that pouch that cost you a fiver for £7 or more, it finances your next trip over , your mates idolize you and women fall at your feet and offer payment in kind with nicotine stained lips.

You WILL get caught. It is in the nature of the buisness. People talk, smokers tell each other where to buy good cheap baccy, friends tell friends. Suddenly one morning your front door will fly off its hinges.

The ‘Knock’ don’t need warrants, they don’t even need ‘reasonable cause’, they can enter and seize everything you’ve ever owned day and night. They are a law unto themselves and they will not worry about legal trifles such as habeaus corpus or PACE cos stealing from the government is, according to themselves, the most heinous crime going. ....Ian Huntley would have more rights than Jones The Baccy  or YOU!

Post by SBC