WARNING! Do NOT read on if of a delicate disposition. Graphic Content!
Decided tooth was coming out no matter what. Got some pliers and put rubber heat shrink on the jaws. Thinking was that hard steel and teeth are not a good match and definitely did not want to break the tooth ... just wanted it out.
Pliers no good! Wisdom tooth was at back top of mouth and not enough room to get at tooth. Plan 2 then! Got some signal wire (small 14 strand electrical cable), made a noose with reef knot so it didn't come undone. Forced noose round base of tooth .... OUCH! Tightened noose ... OUCH! Took other end and wrapped it round my hand and then stood up.
Clasped my hands together, counted to 3 and pulled as hard as l could downwards. AARRRGHHHH!
1 sec ... PAIN! 2 secs PAIN!!! 3 secs ... hands came fully down, wire flew out of mouth ... pain disappearing .... just dull throbbing. Forced myself to look down at end of wire now on floor and there is a wisdom tooth. Jesus it's big! l never realised they go in so far.
Relief is flooding through me at the lack of pain. The relief is overwhelming. Now l can feel liquid in my mouth and taste it ... l know its blood. Must sterilise where the tooth has been so go for the antiseptic mouthwash in bathroom. Damn! ... none left. Rinse my mouth at the sink and spit .... all red!
Antiseptic? what can l use? All JD had gone but then l remembered l had a bottle of Wild Turkey Bourbon, 8yr old distilled 101 proof. Actually l had a third of a bottle left and l'd had it for years so it must have been at least 20 years old.
Took the bottle, pulled the cork (yes, they have corks) and took a swig, swilled it round and spit it out. No idea what colour it was now because Wild Turkey is dark brown. Took another swig and where my wisdom tooth had been was now numb, it had stung at first at first swig but now by this second swig it didn't. Caveman mode was still in full flow so auto-pilot took over and l swallowed the Wild Turkey ... l know, but what the hell!
Found some cotton wool and shoved it in the gap made by vacant wisdom tooth and took another swig. Lit a ciggie, sat down on the sofa and took another drink. True Hamlet moment! At peace with the world and no pain!
Next thing l know, its 10.00am, l'm still on the sofa and the Wild Turkey bottle is empty. My tongue tells me that there is a gap in my teeth, a tooth is missing but so is the pain. Strange self-satisfying feeling of achievement. l feel great, a bit fuzzy but that's down to the Wild Turkey! My eyes lock onto the wire on the floor and what's at the end of it. l pick it up .... fuck me, it's big!
l'm supposed to be at dentist at 4.30. Should l go and freak him out .... or should l just cancel? :)
This is the second time in my life l've had to do major D.I.Y. on myself. The other involved a knife slash on my forearm and stitches but l'll leave that story for another time. l think l've grossed you out enough for the time being.!
Have a nice long weekend .... l will! :)
Play nice now.
Good on you SH! I wish I'd had your courage last winter when in Prague and suffering hellish toothache each day. Waited for the dentist back home who did the usual half a job which means I've had twinges of pain since but nowhere near as bad as you describe which is what I felt. All that stopped me pulling my own tooth was fear that it wouldn't all come out - and I'm a wuss when it comes to any pain.
ReplyDeleteMy wisdom teeth were pulled in hospital in my mid 20s - they fooked up there too and left me with a numbness in my bottom lip - which I still have - because they pulled or damaged a nerve - happens in very few cases so I was unlucky.
Guess I just need to be sure I have the right medication for the job should I have the face such pain in future but the strongest I have in stock is Grappa.
Oh, and btw - yes - go the dentist and freak him out and let him waste hot air in giving you a lecture about how they know best
ReplyDeleteAn interesting youth of too many 'wet Saturday night's' spent in too many European Cities means I always have some synthetic morphine or 'Mexican Aspirin' (both not available in the UK), duct tape and some tampax in the house -best 'plug' for GSW and knife wounds.
ReplyDeleteThere isn't much that they can't treat.
You've got balls SH!
ReplyDeleteLets hop they dont give him any pain then Anon !!
ReplyDeleteI hadn't been to the dentist since 1979, but had to as my front gnashers had turned a nasty mahogany brown colour of late due to the fags and vodka with sugary mixers.
ReplyDeleteThe morphia/tampon thing is correct, he puts a tampon shaped bit of cotton wool on your gums to numb them then sticks the needle in, pain free, apart from when I tongued his drill slightly, he assured me it wouldn't harm his drill, but might harm my tongue if I didn't keep them separated.
If I had any slight pain before I would suggest oil of cloves, watch @Marathon Man@ for a graphic illustration...
Oil of cloves goes everywhere with me. Brilliant stuff to tide a toothache over. Had an abscess in a front tooth 10 years back and pain was so bad I yanked it myself. Scariest thing I've ever done but the pain relief made it worth it.
ReplyDeleteRespect for pulling a wisdom tooth! Ouch!