Customs UK on Pick TV tonight 9-10pm **Updated** **UPDATE 2**

Thanks to SBC alerting me to this. There's 2 episodes on tonight between 9-10pm on Pick TV (rebranded Sky 3). Let's see what waffle they come up with and then highlight all the crap.

A few posts from me recently ... why? ... because l'm laid up with a fever that's why! Not a happy bunny!


Well that was an anti-climax. One woman gave up 10kg of tobacco without a fight, another brought in cigarettes from Turkey ... both lied on stuff that is easily checked/ Neither were prepared at all but in the case of the Turkish it was cut and dried anyway. No matter what the guy who brought them said the cigarettes were gone!

Then we had the woman who let HMRC in without a warrant. She only had 45 cartons of cigarettes and they were duty paid and ownership was her sons. No evidence against her just tip-offs.

l'm lost for words on all 3 incidents but what l will say is that if you are going to get your own tobacco for personal use ... be prepared! lt isn't rocket science for god's sake!

l'm going for a lie down.

Many thanks to Dirtyrider for showing us where we can see the relevant clips from the rest of the series. He had the foresight to upload them from when series was first on. You can see them here ... again thanks Dirtyrider, it is appreciated. Especially so as it saves me watching the whole episodes and the cockwaffle it contains. They show no legitimate shoppers and give the totally false illusion that Customs are 100% correct ... and never never never use unjust and illegal tactics! ... yeah right!

Dirtyrider brought my attention to his video where 3 passengers are stopped with a total of 87kg of tobacco. The narrator is a complete arsehole as you hear him say that this amount would last a heavy smoker 14 years! WTF! ... there's 3 of them not 1. He may aswell have said that this amount would last a non-smoker a lifetime!

Again these people were lambs to the slaughter because they were not prepared at all and lied. lf they had been prepared then they would have had a very good chance of keeping their goods. May l remind you that Zaphod kept his 27kg of tobacco ... and he doesn't smoke roll-ups!

The 2 other incidents l mentioned at the beginning of this post would most likely have kept their goods if they had been prepared although let me state here and now that NONE of these people would've been allowed on one of our trips ... period!  l too would not have found their stories credible and so would be a liability to the legitimate cross-border shoppers l was taking.

Go shopping totally prepared folks! ... you know it makes sense. :)


  1. "because l'm laid up with a fever that's why!"

    As my Ol' Nan used to say: "Its yer own fault, you should have worn a condom!"

    Yes, Nana was certifiable.

    Get well soon Dude

  2. This was the program I was talking about:

  3. Ooooh, even better ... two progs :) although going by the synopsis of the first one they (the film crew) seem to be avoiding cross-border shoppers.

    Ta SBC

  4. Customs UK has been on before SH but still worth watching. lts supposed to be reality but all weve seen so far is 100% success on customs part re baccy and cigarettes and not so good on drugs.

  5. LOL yes, they do like to portray themselves as 'winning the war on tobacco smuggling'. Truth is though that they are simply shovelling shit against the tide. Its simple economics. You have a product that is now again £10 a pouch more expensive on one side of the border than the other, a product in DEMAND and regular/addictive demand and its a product that can be compressed until it is almost wafer thin.

    That's one of the reasons they prefer to go after the legit shopper.

    Back when the borders originally 'fell' i was a small scale smuggler and I'll be totally upfront and say that if I weren't married etc and were a younger man then I'd be smuggling still.

    Hell I'd be bringing it in by the trailer load.

    UKBA simply don't have the manpower, resources nor political will to stop more than a few vehicles on every ferry. They can only open one freight container in a hundred.

  6. Those episodes are all repeats, i posted a few clips on youtube just search for uk customs etc.
    That women with 200 pouches was just a runner, who couldnt give a toss if she kept the bacca or not, she just wanted to go home.There are some new customs programs avaiable to download from newsgroups that are more upto date.
    Look out for a new 2 part series starting tuesday think on itv called smugglers, looks good.
    Have a look at this clip do you think this guy should keep his goods?bet you would though SH LOL

  7. Just like to apologise to the above posters who already said what i said lol, i posted without reading the other comments soz :)

  8. Thanks Dirtyrider, l've put you in the *update*. lf you can point us to other vids that you know of that are not in your uploads it would be greatly appreciated.

    Again thanks! :)

  9. I stopped watching the 87KG vid (thanks DR) at the point where the Twat called the Customs Officer 'little girl'.

    What a comparison to SH's tapes. SH remained polite throughout and that, after BE PREPARED, is key when dealing with UKBA or the Police.

    More than one copper has told me that they let my criminal offsprung get away with no end of misdeeds because 'they are always polite and respectful'.

    She may be a nazi cunt but you still address her as "m'am" and a 'good morning officer' always works better than 'fuck off pig' (however much you might THINK it to yourself).

  10. No worries SH :)
    i`ll try and upload a few more over the w/e and put a link here.

    P.s SH Have you ever been to Belgrade?

  11. Totaly agree Sinar, Always be polite, the only time i have been unpolite was when i got stopped at Heathrow once when a couple of goonies tried to be cocky with me.
    I reminded them that i expect to be treated with respect the same way that they expect to be treated.
    They then did change their atitude.
    Makes sense, :)

  12. On the subject of 'tone' another thing a lot of people don't realise is that speaking to UKBA officers in anything but "Queen's English" tends to be a mistake (unless you happen to speak the same dialect as the officer concerned).

    Rightly or wrongly we humans form an impression of people within the first few seconds of meeting them.

    To a southern UKBA Officer any Northern accent (ie anything from north of Watford Gap) will sound 1. Retarded and 2. DISHONEST.

    Some more than others. Geordie, Brum and Scouse speakers are guilty as charged whereas Yorkshire isn't quite so offensive but still leaves the Officer feeling that you are the wrong side of 'canny'.

    Educated Scots or Irish are impeachably HONEST and wise. The whole Scots GP family doctor thing.

    BTW Cockney and Mockney are instantly 'loveable rogues', artful dodgers with a 'eart of Gold.

    Coming into Dover with a bootful of bacca and scouse accent is almost as bad as being black.

  13. Yes Dirtyrider, l have been to Belgrade, Serbia and most of the countries round there as Belgrade is only approx 200 miles from our home in Bulgaria. Never bought any tobacco etc in those countries as there would be no point for us (coming from Bulgaria).

    Attitude to UKBA/Customs or indeed anyone in 'authority' would be 'C's' ... cool, confident, calm, collected. 'A's' are no good ... arrogant, angry, aggressive, arsehole. :)

  14. "Attitude to UKBA/Customs or indeed anyone in 'authority' would be 'C's' ... cool, confident, calm, collected. 'A's' are no good ... arrogant, angry, aggressive, arsehole. :) "

    Master Class!

  15. On Queens's English SBC, we've had a number of occasions where UKBA have quoted Minimum Indicative Levels (MILs) at us. We've then enquired as to what 'indicative' means ... and up to date have not experienced one officer who actually knows. :)

  16. RE: indicative


    How many GCSE's does one need to...

  17. I get narked when UKBA'ers tell me that I brought back 'two times' or 'three times' the amount...

    oh and when they tell me something is 'Man date tory' and not 'manda-tree'.

  18. SBC ... you ever feel an impulse to speak German when stopped by UKBA or similar? My wife got stopped under Sect 44 of the Terrorism Act in Waterloo when the Met were in full flow. She hit them with Bulgarian and stormed off ... her high heels click-clacking on the hard marble like surface accompanied by the sound of fast turning wheels on her zebra print cabin luggage being dragged behind her.

    The police did nothing and just watched ... mind most men do ... fine figure of a woman and she knows how to 'walk' :)

  19. Unfortunately I just look silly in heels :(

    ...and a former girlfriend once nick named me 'coupe triste' because I have one.

    I speak English to UKBA officers and then turn to the Frau and Kids and speak to them in German, which always worries the UKBA'ers as I am obviously giving them instructions on where to stash the heroin/armalites/AK 47's.

    The Baader Meinhoff sticker on the rear windscreen probably doesn't help none.

  20. Bavarian Murder Weapon

    I was being factious of course although i did used to have a 'Baader Meinhof Official Car' sticker. However I doubt that any UKBA officer would actually know what the Baader Meinhof were.

    Nor would they know why we find the phrase 'oh you're German? My son is in Germany in the RAF' so funny.

    (For those 'educated' after about 1985, the initials 'RAF' stand for Rote Armee Faktion/Red Army Faction in German).

  21. Hi all,

    I'm looking to go shopping next month - could you guys offer some advice please.

    would I be within my right to buy 6kg of GV back if 3kg was a gift? also how will I fare if I have 3 other passengers each with the 3200 limit of cigarettes?


  22. Dale, the site is full of info. lf you want personal advice e-mail me

  23. the show on thersday 19 at 6.oo pm till 6.30 pm ,may the was a husband and wife with 18kg of tobaco it was worth 11.000 the guy was on walking sticks, if he is on DLA and benerfits how could he afored that much money.


"In the eyes of the Tribunal the review letter contained several preconceptions, prejudgments and non-sequiturs"

"the absurdity of this reason is demonstrated by simply stating it"

"We therefore find that Mr Sked misdirected himself as to the Policy in carrying out the review and his decision is therefore one that no reasonable review officer could have arrived at."

... commonly known here at N2D as 'Skeds' ... that is to say these are Judges comments regarding UKBA Review Officer Ian Sked's reasons for rejecting peoples appeals against seizures.

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