New Years Eve Party Brings On Pink Elephants

I could feel eyes looking at me but I wasn't going to open my eyelids. I was warm and content in this little single bed and it was going to take something pretty exceptional to prise me from it. I couldn't remember coming to bed or indeed what time it had been when I had done so, This had to be New Years Day 2012 but there was the distinct possibility of having missed it and it now being the 2nd Jan. Whichever it was, it was certainly daylight. My body was starting to suggest l gave it coffee. At first l ignored the suggestions but these soon changed to demands. I resolved myself to getting up and facing the eyes.

As my eyes opened l was greeted by 2 pink elephants but they were not alone ... there were a host of eyes staring at me. I decided it best not to acknowledge them in case they decided to speak to me. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes and noticed that the bed covers were also pink ... as in fact was the entire room it seemed. This was not good.

I located my jeans and t-shirt on the floor and put them on. My socks were nowhere to be seen ... another trophy for the damn sock monster! There was a red dress and womens underthingies also on the floor. I glanced over at the other single bed and there was what l surmised to be the owner of said garments. The form had no covers on and was curled up in the foetal position attired in a black and white hooped rugby shirt far too big for her. I couldn't see her face but the rugby shirt had obligingly a number 9 on the back, so for now l would refer to her as '9'. I went over to '9' and covered her in the bed cover that was on the floor ... yes, it was pink.

Still ignoring the many eyes in the bedroom, l vacated the room and went to the bathroom. Then l made my way downstairs and passed the door of the living room where all the festivities had taken place. My head was far too fuzzy and neither was I brave enough to contemplate entering there yet so I continued onto the kitchen in search of coffee that my body was by now screaming for.

To help those with no imagination
As I opened the door I was greeted with the sight of another female in an identical shirt as '9' upstairs except this was number '22'. How many of them were there for gods sake? My mind started to boggle just as '22' turned round revealing her identity as the hostess of the household. The shirt came down mid-thigh and looked like it was a dress ... a bit baggy but a dress none the less. She said good morning and wished me Happy New Year, to which I replied the same. She told me to sit down at the table and asked me if I wanted tea or coffee. I think by now you've guessed which l asked for.

She poured me a coffee from the coffee machine and l noted that it was a from full pot so refills were readily and thankfully available. There was a great sign above the coffee machine ... it said "Show Me The Coffee And Nobody Gets Hurt" ... how true!

We chatted as I lit up my first cigarette. There cannot be many things that can equal equal that first cigarette and coffee of the day. Don't know how to really put it into words but ... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh comes close. As Planet Rock played on the DAB radio we discussed the New Years Eve party. It had been a great night with vast quantities of alcohol consumed along with the smokes. I dread to think of how much money the local pub had missed out on. Before any smoking bans were in place we always went to the pub but no longer do we do that and haven't for years now. Neither do our non-smoking friends ... they prefer to be with us.

l grabbed a quick shower in the downstairs bathroom off the kitchen and when l surfaced again, the hostess with the mostest had prepared bacon and tomato sandwiches. What better way to start the day ... well, the afternoon really.

I helped her clean up the living room of all the glasses, bottles, plates, food, ashtrays, cigarette packets, empty baccy pouches ... blah blah blah. Strange how all these empty discarded baccy products had foreign writing on them  ... I wonder what they say? There were 3 comatose guests still in the living room sprawled out on the sofas but they didn't show any signs of wakening.

l have to thank our hosts for a truly great night, I suppose I should thank her little daughters for the use of their pink bedroom (filled with an army of stuffed toys including pink elephants) when they get back from their grandparents too.We had no fatalities from any of our non-smoking guests in regards to second-hand smoke nor any fatalities despite everyone going way over the recommended alcohol limit.

An excellent start to 2012, we still get our smokes and alcohol cheap, we continue to expand our smoky-drinkys and continue to have fun. Wonder what our smokerphobe enemies did for New Year?

l'll finish with wishing all you folks a Happy New Year as you'll have to excuse me now ... l want a 'hair of the dog' :)  


  1. Aaaaaaaaaagh. I'm still seeing pink elephants.

  2. HAPPY Twelve Minutes Past Eight dude (think about it ,people!). As you will have seen on my blog I celebrated 'Silvester' in a totally No-Expense-Spared-Oh-No-Indeed manner befitting my status....the party dans Chez SBC almost rivaled your own account....i think i used two sparklers in the end and Frau SBC had at least one glass of wine. There was Cheesy Wotsits and Pom Bears all round and the Coke (no NOT the nasal sort) flowed freely.

    Say what you like about the SBC family but when we throw a party wouldn't want to get hit in the back by it.

  3. Hee hee, l wear my hubbys rugby shirts sometimes. They make great nighties.

    Happy New Year

  4. Happy New Year to all at N2D. Keep up the fight and maybe I'll see some of you in February :>)

  5. Thank goodness SBC kept the banners
    flying last night,probably one of
    only a few per cent who actually made last night different from any
    other Saturday night
    Tis true the vast majority did last night what they did on the other 51 Saurday nights in 2011
    .........WATCHED TELLY...........

    Yep, the politburo have got the
    hoipoloi just where they want them, confined to the settee,
    subserviant,compliant ,obedient

    Maybe soon ,some will realise
    battles are won in fields not studios

    Lets see how many will do some sailing in February instead of clicking
    and frightened.

    Work,shop,commute,telly and sleep.
    Only the innner city feral youth
    disturb the peace of the London
    Despot's Animal Farm
    But what of freedom's salvation,
    the great electronic deliverance
    .......THE WEB.....????
    Just another brick in the wall
    just another reason to stay put
    just another self imposed exile
    just another voluntary curfew
    Be honest if the WEB was a threat
    to the controllers ,you would not be reading this.

    U NO U

  6. We hired a cottage with 3 other couples and took our own food, drinks and ciggies. We had a marvellous time and it ended up far cheaper than going to the pub.

    Angie, when my bloke is away l often wear his shirts for bed.

    All the best for 2012 everyone

  7. That made me laugh. We never went to the pubs either. Had a great night but suffered for it today. Happy New Year x

  8. l got in after midnight and switched on the box for Jools and what came up? Onlt that fucking fat ugly lefty cow Jo Brand. No wonder she stands for gay rights cos if all women looked like her all us guys wuold be gay. Jools pissed me off too cos he had to be in on fucking everything the twat. Just remebered that he kissed the ugly fat cow too. l think l puked.

  9. Knowing the area you come from SH that shirt would be aHull FC shirt. ln rugby league number 9 is the hooker! :)

  10. Very lucky gyt, I woke upin Scotland, the only party that was going were the POLES, Jock has no spare cash to party I turned to my left and saw my old lady, I turned over and saw myself in the morror wardrobe door.
    I lay on my back and went back to sleep
    Next year if my battle with the GOONS at UKBA hasent killwed me, I am definatly going away somewhere outta here, NEW YEAR in Scotland, Load of crap.
    muggedbyukba signing out with a large glass of Black Bushmills Irish whiskey donated by my daughter for Christmas, Happy new year my arse.

  11. I don't know which part of Scotland you folk were in, but in the North the drinking has only just stopped.

    Or rather, paused...

  12. I wish I could say I can recall the New Year I spent in Edinburgh in the 80's...but all I recall is going to see the 'Tron' which i thought was a film.

    After that...things are hazy.

  13. Different days Sir in Scotland, Different Era, The smoking ban the depression the SNP barring the Supermarkets selling afordable liquid refreshments of an adult type, Locals can't even get tickets for the Edinburgh Street party, Health and Safety so the fun is for relitives of council big wigs, the rich and famous aned foreigners appling from abroad or through ticket agents, No Street party this year in Glasgow George Square, The Asian community may have been upset if the Lion Rampant was displayed and the sound of the pipes were heard on the South banks of the River Clyde.
    1980 Sir was a good year, It's been a gradual downhll slide ever since
    Next year if I am still on this planet, I shall be some other part of the planet rather than SCOTLAND, Rio looked inviting on the TV.

  14. Thank you Leg-Iron, I appreciate your comment, My old girl is from Ross Shire and I have no doubt your comments are 100% However my experience is in the Lowlands with the lowlife lowlandsrs.
    So It's a Council Flat and the basic stste pension for this Old soldier robbed by the GOONS of the UKBA, and a bloody Tally at that.
    Might have helped if he was'nt tuffing Speghetti in his fat gob when asking his silly questions.
    YES I know I should have been more careful with my money when I was young, But slow horses, Fast women Booze and fags, Five holidays a year on the Spanish Costas gobbled up most of my hard earned cash, The rest I must have squanded somewhere along the line
    Example: Question;
    "how longa will a poucha tabcaa lasta you"
    Answer: About as long as it takes the Italian army to surrender"

  15. "how longa will a poucha tabcaa lasta you"
    Answer: About as long as it takes the Italian army to surrender"

    I reckon we've heard that one many times before haven't we LI

  16. Awe Pat the old ones are the best ones, however the GOON Lazzeini is the real JOKE
    He read he notes to me
    No forget that the old fart read he notes himself.
    No No A I have already told the Sked I read the notes to the silly old troublemaker
    I will change it just one more time to I read the bloody notes OK
    Waita minute though it's not my place to read the notes, the rules say it should be someone indepeneant to read the crap
    OMG where do I go from here?
    Mama mia I'maina bita bovver

  17. Bte yo havent heard this famous Rabbie Burns poem before


    A UK Border officer cried

    I read the notebook to the passenger, but sure as hell, I lied

    No! No! The passenger read the notebook himself and, he took his time

    No change that back to I read the notebook to the passenger - that will just be fine

    Except it's not my duty, to read he notes or not

    But sure a daft deaf old IRISH Git, would know nought about all that

  18. ""how longa will a poucha tabcaa lasta you"
    Answer: About as long as it takes the Italian army to surrender"

    Dunkirk anyone? It is particular British delusion that can reinterpret one of most shameful, panicky and cowardly retreats of modern warfare into a Daily Mail Reader's virtue.

    "Showing Dunkirk spirit" = fleeing in a blind panic, casting not only discipline but millions of pounds of worth of kit aside...preferably whilst shitting oneself with fear.


"In the eyes of the Tribunal the review letter contained several preconceptions, prejudgments and non-sequiturs"

"the absurdity of this reason is demonstrated by simply stating it"

"We therefore find that Mr Sked misdirected himself as to the Policy in carrying out the review and his decision is therefore one that no reasonable review officer could have arrived at."

... commonly known here at N2D as 'Skeds' ... that is to say these are Judges comments regarding UKBA Review Officer Ian Sked's reasons for rejecting peoples appeals against seizures.

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