Hitting ‘em Where It Hurts
(a suggested ‘Plan Of Attack’)
My Boss was pissed at me. Again. Nothing new there; I was the only member of the detail who wasn’t ex-special forces/ex police and I have an ‘attitude’ towards authority.
So I drew a ‘punishment detail’. Instead of hi-end armed security work, I got to play ‘renta-cop’. Mind numbing, soul destroying and ,above all, boring work. Patrolling a hi-rise full of offices at night.
A couple of nights of doing that and I felt like taking a Browning Hi-Power orally.
Then I had an idea. I dragged out the A4 binder of ‘Service Regulations’ and spent an hour reading up on EXACTLY what my duties were.
The next morning my Boss arrived at his desk to find over one hundred hand written ‘Incident Reports’.....in triplicate. I had, following the exact written instructions, correctly reported every coffee machine that had not been unplugged, every computer not turned off at the wall, every unwatered pot plant, every light left on, every blinking light on every fax or photocopier.
A lesser bureaucrat might have simply have filed all my reports in the round filing cabinet marked ‘trash’ but not my then boss. As a former Oberleutnant in one of the nasty DDR ‘security’ units he was a true bureaucrat, a communist bureaucrat, a GERMAN communist
The word ‘Vogon’ springs to mind.
He dutifully sat at his desk reading and 'signing off' for the whole morning and that night I suddenly found myself back on the glamorous duties, doing the private planes of VIPS with the GSG-9 and Pizza Express on speed dial.
Ok, ‘nice anecdote’ I hear you cry but what’s my point?
Any bureaucracy has a weak point and that weak point is its own internal bureaucracy. Somewhere the UKBA will have written, legally binding, Regulations. Regulations written by ‘Experts’ who have never been at the ‘sharp end’, Pencil Pushers. Every UKBA officer will have detailed written instructions on how to make a seizure etc.
Just as an example I’ll wager that, when they make a seizure, they are required to give you a receipt. But I’m guessing that usually that receipt simply says ‘10 kgs of Rolling Tobacco’ or whatever. However the law and their own regulations probably require them to list every serial number....every serial number of every packet...and in triplicate...
The UKBA ignore complaints from the public when the public is the ‘injured party’ but you can be sure that a complaint that an UKBA officer has breached their own regulations, ie a complaint to their own ‘Internal Affairs’ will get noticed and dealt with.
The Resistance needs to get hold of the official “UKBA Officer’s Guide To Being A Fascist Piglet” or whatever it is called and then INSIST they comply to the exact letter (make sure you open all the ‘ten packs’ before hand).
item: 1 50g pouch , Golden Virginia, sealed, Spanish tax stamp number XYZXYZXYZ Manufacturers S/N: 123456789
item: 1 50g pouch, Golden Virginia.....etc etc
... ad nauseum
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